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8 Listening Do’s and Don’ts When Someone is Grieving
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When someone is grieving, it can be hard to know what to do. How to console them, how to let them know that you understand their pain, and most of all how to be there for them during daily life. Here are some of the Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to being there for someone in your life when they lose someone important to them:
1) Reach out: Acknowledge the loss for your friend and reach out to them to let them know you’re there. After a loss, they will be blindsided. Take the initiative and let them know you’re sorry for their loss and how you’re there for them. Whether it’s in person, a phone call, or an e-mail/letter. Just reach out in any way possible.
2) Listen more, talk less: We understand, this is a tough one. You want to keep telling your friend that “I’m here for you”, “What can I do to help you?”, etc. The best thing you can do is just listen. Your friend has experienced a loss, so let them get their words out and just be there for them. If there is a dark side to the passing, don’t be afraid to listen to it. Listen intently and with genuine curiosity, and don’t be afraid to ask questions, but understand that there may be things your friend may not want to get into right away, and that is just okay. Know your friend may start crying and you might too. That’s fine, because sometimes actions like tears may speak more than words do.
3) Reminisce: If you knew the deceased, share memories or photos of them with the grieving. If you didn’t know them, then ask to hear a story about them. It’ll show your friend that while their loved one may be gone, the memories of them are still there and deserved to be shared with others.
4) Check in later: Grief has no timetable and people still may be dealing with its effects even months later. Make sure to check in later and see how they’re doing, maybe invite them out to lunch or a cup of coffee and see how they’re coping with the loss.
5) Don’t ignore them: Rejection makes us all scared, but don’t let that fear stop you from reaching out. You can be worried about saying the wrong thing, but willfully ignoring them is worse. You don’t have to be there 24/7 for them — we all have our own lives too — but a simple reaching out and offering condolences is better than ghosting them.
6) Don’t compare: Every loss hurts. Whether it’s a father, a child, or a pet. Every grief is different and there is no reason to compare. Just work on being there for them and allowing them to work through their grief.
7) Don’t rush: Grief is different for everyone. Whether it was a father who lived to the ripe age of 90, or the loss of a child. Each loss is an intense experience, and an individual never gets over a loss — they only learn to manage it.
8) Don’t let fear stop you: It’s understandable to be worried how to reach out to someone. Maybe they want to be left alone, maybe they’ll want to vent and you don’t know how to help them in their time of need; these are all valid reasons, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. What your friend needs to know more than anything is that they have a network of friends and family who are there for them, even in the smallest ways possible.
How to Write a Eulogy: A Guide to Honoring a Loved One Writing a eulogy can be one of the most meaningful yet challenging tasks you may ever undertake. It’s an opportunity to honor and celebrate the life of someone you loved while offering comfort to those who are grieving. If you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy, here’s a step-by-step guide to help you craft a heartfelt tribute. Understand the Purpose A eulogy serves multiple purposes: To celebrate a life: Highlight the unique qualities, achievements, and memories of the deceased. To offer comfort: Provide a sense of connection and shared grief to those in attendance. To create a lasting tribute: Leave the audience with a positive and loving memory of the person. Keep these goals in mind as you structure your speech. Gather Memories and Stories Start by reflecting on your own memories and reaching out to others who knew the deceased. Ask friends, family, and colleagues for stories or anecdotes that capture their essence. Consider: Their passions, hobbies, or interests. Memorable traits, like their kindness, humor, or resilience. Milestones or significant accomplishments. Organize these notes into themes or categories that highlight the person’s character and life. Choose a Structure A clear structure will help you stay organized and focused. Here’s a simple framework to follow: Introduction: Begin by introducing yourself and explaining your connection to the deceased. Share a brief overview of their life. Body: Share 2-4 stories or themes that illustrate their personality, values, and impact on others. Include a mix of lighthearted moments and heartfelt reflections. Conclusion: End with a message of gratitude, a closing thought, or a meaningful quote or poem. Offer comfort and hope to those grieving. Write with Authenticity A eulogy doesn’t need to be perfect; it needs to be genuine. Write as if you’re speaking directly to the audience. Use your own voice and avoid trying to sound overly formal or poetic if that’s not your natural style. If the deceased had a sense of humor, feel free to include light, appropriate humor—laughter can be healing. At the same time, maintain a tone of respect and sensitivity. Keep It Concise A eulogy typically lasts 5-10 minutes. Aim for about 750-1,000 words. Brevity ensures that your message is impactful and keeps the audience engaged. Practice and Prepare Once you’ve written your eulogy, practice reading it aloud. This will help you: Become comfortable with the flow of your words. Identify areas that might need adjustment for clarity or timing. Manage your emotions during delivery. Consider printing your speech or using note cards to stay on track. Deliver with Poise On the day of the funeral or memorial service: Take your time: Pause to breathe and compose yourself if emotions arise. Speak clearly: Project your voice so everyone can hear you. Connect with the audience: Make eye contact and share your emotions honestly. Remember, your audience is there to honor the deceased with you—they will appreciate your effort and sincerity.
The holiday season, with its sparkling lights, festive music, and endless gatherings, can feel overwhelming when you're grieving the loss of a loved one. While others may be celebrating, you might find yourself wrestling with emotions that make the season feel less joyful and more like a reminder of your loss. It’s okay to feel this way. Grief doesn’t have a timetable, and the holidays can amplify the ache of absence. However, with intentionality and self-compassion, you can navigate this time of year in a way that honors your feelings and your loved one’s memory. Acknowledge Your Feelings Grief doesn’t follow a straight path. Some days might feel manageable, while others bring tears when you least expect it. Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises—sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy. Suppressing emotions to meet holiday expectations only adds to the weight of your loss. A simple step like journaling your thoughts or confiding in a trusted friend can help you process these emotions. Set Boundaries The holiday calendar can quickly fill up with parties, family gatherings, and other events. It’s okay to say no. If an invitation feels overwhelming, let others know you need time for yourself. Your emotional well-being comes first, and true friends and family will understand your need for space. Honor Your Loved One’s Memory Creating a tradition that keeps your loved one’s spirit alive can bring comfort and connection. This could be lighting a candle in their honor, cooking their favorite dish, or making a donation in their name. Sharing memories with family and friends can transform grief into a sense of togetherness and love. Simplify the Holidays If the thought of decorating, shopping, or hosting feels like too much, simplify. Focus on the aspects of the holiday that bring you peace. Maybe that means watching a favorite movie, enjoying a quiet evening with loved ones, or skipping the usual traditions altogether. Redefining the season on your own terms can help alleviate pressure. Lean on Your Support System You don’t have to navigate this season alone. Reach out to those who care about you, whether it’s friends, family, or a grief support group. Even a simple phone call or coffee date can provide a sense of connection and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey. Practice Self-Compassion Be kind to yourself. Grief is hard work, and the holiday season can magnify its challenges. Allow yourself moments of rest and reflection. If you find joy creeping in—whether it’s a shared laugh or a heartfelt memory—embrace it without guilt. Your loved one wouldn’t want you to carry the burden of sadness alone. Seek Professional Help if Needed Sometimes grief can feel too heavy to carry on your own. There’s no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist, especially during emotionally charged times like the holidays. They can offer coping strategies and a safe space to express your feelings. Getting through the holidays after losing a loved one is no easy task, but it is possible. By honoring your emotions, setting boundaries, and embracing the memory of your loved one, you can find a way to navigate the season. This time of year may look different than it once did, but it can still hold moments of meaning and comfort. You are not alone, and it’s okay to create a holiday season that works for you. Take it one day at a time, and know that the love you shared with your loved one remains with you, always.
Thanksgiving can be challenging when you’re grieving. A holiday centered on gratitude, family gatherings, and celebration can seem daunting when someone close to you is no longer there. The traditions that used to bring warmth might now feel empty, and feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion may overshadow gratitude. But in times of loss, Thanksgiving can also offer a unique opportunity to remember, honor, and slowly begin healing. Here are some gentle ways to approach Thanksgiving after losing a loved one, allowing space for both grief and gratitude. 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings It’s okay if you’re not feeling grateful or festive this Thanksgiving. Loss can bring waves of complex emotions, and it’s essential to honor these feelings without judgment. Grief isn’t linear; it shows up in unexpected ways and doesn’t always align with holiday expectations. Allow yourself to feel however you need to, whether it’s sadness, anger, or even numbness. Give yourself permission to experience Thanksgiving differently this year. 2. Create Space for Remembrance Thanksgiving can be a beautiful opportunity to honor your loved one’s memory. Consider setting a place at the table for them, lighting a candle, or making their favorite dish. Invite others to share stories about your loved one, reflecting on the joy they brought to your lives. By creating space for their memory, you’re not only honoring them but also integrating their presence into your traditions. 3. Embrace New Traditions After a loss, it can be painful to follow the same rituals and traditions. Instead, try exploring new traditions that feel right for you. Maybe this Thanksgiving, you decide to spend time in nature, volunteer at a shelter, or have a smaller, quieter meal with close friends or family. New traditions don’t erase the old ones—they’re ways to adapt to your current emotional landscape and honor your needs during this time. 4. Connect with Others Who Understand Grieving can often feel isolating, especially during a holiday centered around togetherness. If you have friends or family who are also experiencing loss, reach out and connect with them. If that’s not possible, consider looking into local support groups or online communities where people share similar experiences. Knowing you’re not alone in your grief can be comforting, and the shared understanding can bring a sense of community that’s especially healing during the holidays. 5. Focus on Small Moments of Gratitude Gratitude may feel difficult or even impossible to access when grieving, but it doesn’t have to be about grand gestures or feelings. Instead, focus on small, quiet moments that offer peace or comfort, such as a beautiful sunset, the warmth of a cozy blanket, or a kind word from a friend. These small things can provide a gentle reminder that joy can still coexist with sorrow. 6. Give Yourself Permission to Skip or Scale Back the Celebration You might feel pressured to put on a brave face or participate fully in Thanksgiving traditions, but it’s okay if that’s not where you’re at this year. Give yourself permission to set boundaries and skip or scale back on what feels overwhelming. Grief doesn’t follow a holiday schedule, and it’s okay to take a step back to care for yourself. Loved ones will understand if you need a little more space or choose to spend the holiday differently. If Thanksgiving feels especially hard this year, remember you’re not alone. Grief is a testament to love, and by finding ways to celebrate, you’re honoring the love that still lives on within you. May this Thanksgiving bring you moments of comfort, the warmth of cherished memories, and the quiet understanding that healing is a journey you don’t have to walk alone.
Grief is a universal experience, yet each person’s journey through it is unique. Whether we’re grieving the loss of a loved one, a significant life change, or even the end of a cherished relationship, the support we receive can make a crucial difference in how we heal and move forward. Various types of grief support offer different benefits and understanding what’s available is the first step to finding what works best for you. Here’s an overview of different types of grief support and tips on finding local resources. Individual Therapy What It Is: Individual therapy, usually with a licensed therapist or counselor, is a one-on-one experience tailored to your personal grief journey. Therapists help you process feelings, manage symptoms of depression or anxiety, and develop coping strategies for day-to-day life. Benefits: This support is highly personalized and can adapt over time to meet your evolving needs. Many therapists specialize in grief counseling and can offer specialized techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps reframe negative thoughts, or grief-specific techniques to process loss. How to Find It Locally: Search online directories like Psychology Today or TherapyDen, which allow you to filter by specialty and location. Your primary care doctor or local hospital may also provide referrals to grief therapists nearby. Support Groups What They Are: Grief support groups are gatherings of people who are all dealing with loss. They’re typically led by a counselor or trained facilitator and offer a safe space to share experiences, give and receive support, and learn coping strategies. Benefits: These groups help to reduce feelings of isolation and allow for mutual support among participants. Many find comfort in being able to relate to others who truly understand their loss, creating a strong sense of community. How to Find It Locally: Local community centers, hospitals, or religious organizations often host grief support groups. You can also find directories through organizations like GriefShare, which lists groups worldwide, or through the National Alliance for Grieving Children if you’re seeking support for younger family members. Online Grief Support Communities What They Are: Online support communities provide 24/7 access to support networks through forums, chat rooms, and video groups. These platforms can range from general grief support forums to specialized groups focusing on specific types of loss (e.g., losing a spouse, child, or dealing with prolonged illness). Benefits: Online support is ideal for those who may not have access to local resources, have difficulty with transportation, or prefer anonymity. You can also access support anytime, making it a flexible option. How to Find It Locally: Even if your group is online, joining a local group can be helpful for occasional in-person meetups. Websites like Grief In Common or The Compassionate Friends offer both online and local chapters, making it easy to connect with people nearby. Books and Self-Help Resources What They Are: Books, workbooks, and online courses can provide self-directed support for those who prefer to work through their grief independently. Many of these resources provide exercises, coping strategies, and stories from others who have navigated grief. Benefits: Self-help resources offer flexibility and privacy. They can be particularly useful for people who are beginning to explore grief or want supplementary support alongside other therapies or group work. How to Find It Locally: Libraries, bookstores, and online platforms like Audible or Kindle Unlimited offer a range of grief-related materials. Many therapists or grief organizations provide recommendations, or you can check popular titles like On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross for trusted insights. The journey through grief doesn’t have to be walked alone. Finding the right type of support and connecting with resources can provide essential comfort, perspective, and healing. Whether you seek the company of others, prefer a one-on-one approach, or are drawn to creative expression, there is support out there to help you through. Don’t hesitate to reach out—healing is within reach.
